although after adam khoo i learn alot.. but i got this feeling i still feel confused some how..
but i felt motivated i really want to study hard and get good result.. i promised. but this whole month i felt my body getting weaker and weaker, i feel so tired .. i don know why.. am i doing a lot..
i dont know ...

sorry for mum and dad .. for all this pass 15,coming 16 year .. i already had enough of trouble for you all.. i told myself enough is enough .. i really want to prove it to you that i can do it.. adam khoo workshop really good.. leroy rocks.. i really want to be like him.

my goal is before 30 year old earn 100 million .. like leroy.. i know i can do it.. yes i can..
from now onwards lets work even harder to achieve my dreams..

i will take care of you mum and dad.. you have done so much for me.. i really appreciate ..
everyday work so hard just to let me and both sister..to go to school.. i promised i really going to work hard and repay you.. take care of you no matter what happen.. i love you mum and dad .>.<..

i want to take care of you too..you wait for me i will bring you happiness i will give you eveything . and will not let you suffer anymore .. i want to take care of you .. please let me to take care of you. i work hard for everything no matter what it takes. i just want to do everything for you .. i dnnoe why..' (H) ' .... do you see that .. i will work hard.. wait for me. i promise you i will show it to you and my family.and to myself.!!!

Sorry i know you want to know why and what happen.. to my parents.. all that ya..
i know you know that i lie to you that i forgot ....but i just don want to say liao.. it just going to make me think and miserable
and i feeling so week that my tear going to drop..
so don like ask me so much regarding to this.. sorry you can ask me other things but
just not this .. till a day i am quite fine with it.. than when you ask again.. then i will tell.. just this days just really don have the mood.. and this morning just quarrel with my dad... i am so miserable and upset ..
Don look at me laughing in front you all .. but in me still so miserable.. maybe a couple of days when its ok liao.. than say bah.. smile.. no need worry so much .. its alright.. every time a long while .. liao.. than quarrel a while its ok.. just ..no need to worry that much .. smile..:)..
Sorry that .. like not talking to you.. like so emo.. cause .. no mood talk will make you more angry.. sorry.. sorry.. i just want to be happy.. because my happiness is my life.. anyway tys for you concern .. i appreciate it.. and sorry..about it.

i am very miserable just now at the time .. but now after focusing on my subjects i feel more and don think about it .. it feel that i am more concentrate.. :) good thing
but things not going be solve..not everything i cannot think about it de.
mum and dad stop stressing me.. out.
everyday i try to do everything you ask me to do.. and i try my best
to do everything and every time you seems not enough why. ..? and scolded me why!
i feel so miserable.. everyday try my best to stay well in school .. try to do well in every subjects
but who knows that in my heart there is so much stress is just that you cant see through i try to stay clam and happy in school i try to be happy but in there me was not as happy as outside every time trys to focus on my subjects so that i will not think about all the home problems that's at home its seems a small thing but..its so like... to do every day the chores all i been thinking about all the work that have not done .. and thinking about the chores and think about i mum every times say about the buddist thing and ask me to do all this that and i never done it.. and every time have people ask me to go for buddish things.. pray.. and my inside keep thinking of church stuff and both same time keep coming after me .. and more.. all this is like dnnoe how many thousand and thousand of stone fall on me at a time and trap me in there and i cant even get out of there .. and going to stop breathing at each time i breathe it take so much energy to breathe.. i am so tired and miserable.. i feel like running away everything and go to a quiet place
and have a good rest .. i am so pain.
my parent just don understands me .. never trys to understand how i feel and everything .. he just think that i am lazy .. but if i am lazy i would even try my best everyday to do the chores and everything ..and on the same time i have alot things to do.. homework.. tests.. revise do d n t and everything and everyday at least 12 than sleep and wakes up at 5.30 .. and some times i cant sleep keep thinking everything .. thinking buddist and church things . i have stop going for buddish thing liao.. but all the surrounding me are buddish..and make me so miserable mum telling me every time.. i just cant cope both at the same time i feel so pain.. i feels happy in church i know but .. i don know how to solve another part .. if i tell my parents about it they will sure very disappointed in me and gets angry ..and nowadays my parent are hot temple all the times i just trying very hard not to let them get hot .. i feel so uncomfortable at home.. please god tell me what to do ? please i beg you i really cant take it any more each and everyday i just feel like ' there jump down you will not thing ' jump down .. jump .. but tell myself i cant do that.. no matter how hard it is just keep on going there are going to see like light no matter how dark is in there you will see light one day keep on walking .. do not stop once i stop i will waste my time .. and take more time to go out .. no matter how tired just keep doing it and i will come out of the darkness one day..
sometimes i really just feel like giving up.. is so hard .. really i can feel it.. is really like one big stone falls on my me i cant get up..like i am now trapping in the darkness with this big stone on me.. and make me stop walking ..and i cant get up.. and i have stop walking.

.

is getting much and much heavier each day ..

its has been happening so much things.. exams are just around the corner i just going to keep trying and keep trying .. all post are just about the goals and studies is that boring?
family-
i dont want to thing about it of all those are coming to my direction now.. i been stuck
struggling all my problem.. in my heart is just that don want to say it out.. is hard to say anyway.
now then i really know that i don even understand about family at all...
mum all those words from your mouth is that true .. just don want to imagine it.
i am sorry .dad , sister , mum.. i am really sorry.
letting you down and letting my self down
many things happen in my family... everyday is just bad memories .. i just want to flush the memories away.. sister i know is meaningless.just don think about it liao..

You-
you are stress i know.. exam are coming and have no time to revise all that's just need to hurry finish everything by the dateline .. i know.. sorry for making you more stress ..
i want to walk every go through everything that you had gone before so that i will know how difficult it is that you have gone through ..

family-
i am so confused everyday.. what happen really ... tell me .. shouted ..
i know i am so vein and patient at the same time..
sorry mum .. i just not very good mood and shouted at you every time ..
but always you the one started ..every time remind of the pass and make me so vein at you.
can you forget it its already the pass... i really very vein at you right now..





complain i know .. i know..i am complaining .. sorry viewer ..


You ..YOU .. tell me everything .. if you want tell me .
sometimes just don know what to say
i want to go through every single bits with you..

Labels: shouting and screaming, you